Your writer’s voice is all your own. It is not only how you tell your story, it’s which story you choose to tell, and why you must tell it. Your writer’s voice is less about syntax and more about soul, less about punctuation and more about passion, less about eloquence and more about essence.
But, there is even more to it than that.
My first child is a boy. Boys deal with conflict quickly and easily. They tell each other to “knock it off” or some variation. Maybe they deal with it on the field or court. Sometimes they throw a punch. Either way they know where they stand. They either decide to move on or stay away from each other.
Girls are so different. Some play mental games, some don’t. I don’t. I raised my daughter not to either. It’s ridiculous, useless, and unnecessary. I actually find it a sign of little to no confidence or self esteem. They need to make themselves feel better by playing these games. One day they are friends, the next day not. Without reason or warning. It is such a waste of time.
My daughter has been the object of a mean girl. She is a bully really. What can I do as a mother? What can I say that will make it all better? This really is a no win situation. I am at a loss, why do girls have to be so mean?
As any mom of teens or older children knows, they may be big but they are still our babies. My oldest baby left this morning on an adventure to Europe. He is meeting up with friends, but traveling to Switzerland alone. I raised my children to be independent and yet this is a tough day for me.
My son is 19, very tall (6’7″) and has a big heart. He has never met a stranger and most people are impacted by his generous spirit and kindness. He is always positive and jovial. Even his sister (and we all know how siblings get along) has mentioned she will miss him. Because his personality matches his size, it will be very quiet around here for the next 3 weeks. Of course, that also means I should have plenty of time to write and blog!
One of the best stories of my son was when he was 9 months old. He was always a happy baby, rarely crying, and when he did he was hungry or needed a diaper change. When we went to the mall or grocery store, he always smiled at everyone.
When my son was small, walkers were still being used. We were living in military housing on a base in Texas and we had tile flooring throughout the house. He would give two pushes with his feet and the wheels would sail him down the hall. I called is “shushing” because that was the sound it would make. He would laugh out loud and really enjoyed this activity. I, on the other hand, was happy to have a door to the hall so that I could shut it off so he couldn’t do that all the time. One day he did get away from me and ended up in the guest room. We had a small bookshelf filled with books in one corner of the room. He had cozied up to the bookshelf and was pulling books off the shelves with both hands, throwing the books over his shoulders. I walked over to him, turning the walker around to face me and away from the bookshelf. I kneeled down in front of him. My face was close to his and I softly, but firmly, told him, “No, no, we don’t treat books like that.” He reached up grabbing my cheeks with his little hands and planted a kiss on my mouth. How was I to be disappointed in him now?
He has had my heart in the palm of his hands for so long. I know he is feeling a bit anxious about this adventure, yet that didn’t stop him. He set a goal to go and he made it happen. I have always said that my children were placed in my life not just for the lessons I could teach them, but also for the lessons they could teach me. I am still learning. I am learning to let go. Letting go isn’t about trusting him, it’s about trusting myself. Trusting that we (my husband and I) did a good job raising our children; trusting that we taught them right from wrong: trusting that we loved them enough; and trusting that our love is enough.
I am so proud of my (baby) son!
I have sat here long enough. Staring at a blank screen doesn’t help me find inspiration. Ideas come to me throughout the day and I (foolishly) think I will remember them. Not only ideas for great posts, but great stories. Stories of people I pass, objects that jump out saying, “I have a story to tell,” or even events I have attended. Then I find time to sit at my computer and nothing comes to mind.
I read other blogs that have great posts. Some simple, others complex. I start to compare myself and get frustrated. I tell my kids not compare themselves, just do your best. I don’t feel like such a great role model now. But I am nothing if not solution oriented. If there is a problem, well, I think it can be fixed. We don’t always like the solution, but that doesn’t make it a solution.
So instead of trying to remember good ideas, I am going to start using an editorial calendar. That being said, it will need to be flexible. I still want to be spontaneous. Any ideas for a format that works for fellow bloggers? I have seen a few for social media campaigns that seemed a little to involved. It needs to be pretty simple for this one woman operation.
How do you find inspiration? How do you keep track of your ideas? I feel like such a scatterbrain and my procrastination certainly doesn’t help that.
My mind keeps playing a scene, like a movie, over and over in my head. A person walking down the street thinking of all the ideas she can use to write about. Waiting for inspiration to hit when it finally does. A brick falls out of the sky – you know like the proverbial ton of bricks. But, I think that would make me forget all those good ideas. I need to stop waiting for inspiration to hit me like a ton of bricks.
This morning I woke to this ideas for this post. I swept past me like a feather. Maybe that’s my problem. I am waiting (problem in itself) for something big and heavy to hit me. But the ideas are floating freely all around. I have always thought of myself as an observant person. Maybe I need to start observing in a different way . . .
Where do you see inspiration?
Three days ago, The New York Times published a rather doomsday on-line article written by Scott Turow (current head of the Authors Guild), titled The Slow Death of the American Author . I must admit this is a great title, guaranteed to scare the pants off the best of us. In fact, I received so many frightened e-mails from writers who wanted me to address this article, that I'd be remiss if I didn't offer my analysis of Turow's assertions.
The National Charity League is a mother and daughter organization that focuses on philanthropy work within each chapter’s community while providing leadership skills and cultural opportunities. There are many chapters around the United States and more are being added every year.
The journey typically begins when the daughter is in sixth grade and the pair begins the process of membership. The first year is the provisional year followed by active membership which lasts until the young lady graduates from high school. Each chapter is unique in the leadership and league opportunities that are offered. Different grade levels plan cultural events based on the chapter recommended focus and the scope of available events in the area. Each chapter partners with individual philanthropies to offer volunteer hours to mothers and daughters.
Each chapter hosts a senior recognition event that focuses on the high school seniors and their moms; acknowledging all the hours they have given to their community. Each chapter, also, hosts a tea. During the tea, mothers and daughters sit together and practice proper etiquette and manners.
I am a member, along with my daughter, of the Moon Valley Chapter of the National Charity League. Last week, I was able to attend the National Convention in Atlanta. It was two full days of ladies sharing ideas and laughter. Speeches were given and memories were made. Old friendships renewed and new friendships formed. It was both amazing and exhausting.
This past year, my daughter and I were honored with the combined 50 hour award. Together we volunteered within our community at various philanthropies for at least 50 hours (25 hours each). After the tea, when we received the award, we sat and talked. We had received the same award the previous year. When my daughter realized that, she said, “next year, let’s try for the combined 100 hour award.” Since it is her idea, we will work toward it.
You can contact the National Charity League if you would like more information or to find a chapter in your area. It is a great organization based on philanthropy, culture and leadership opportunities for the growth of the mother daughter relationship. Oh, and did I mention my chapter was awarded Most Outstanding Chartered Chapter last week at Convention? Yeah, it was a proud moment to know we are part of an award winning chapter and a fantastic group of women.
Shhh, did you hear that?
No, probably not. Not because you don’t want to, it’s just that the world has gotten so noisy. How can we focus on what we need to hear with all this background noise? The sound of traffic, music playing, other conversations going on around us, maybe water features, maybe, just maybe, if we are really lucky, we can hear birds chirping. These are the just some of the sounds that fill the environment around us. How can we be good listeners, attentive to the conversation at hand, with all this noise going on around us?
Wait, that isn’t even the worst of it. How can we be good listeners when we have our own noise going on in our head? Oh, you know what I mean. When we are supposed to be listening to a loved one but all we can think of is something that happened at work or what we will have for dinner or even “I really don’t want to listen to this right now.”
It is so important to listen to those that mean the most to us, but with all the noise around us how do we do it? Well, the place to start is to stop talking. Seems rather easy, but it really isn’t. We don’t need to fix others problems or remind them of where we stand on an issue. Sometimes we need to stop, keep your lips together, make eye contact and listen. Trust me your friends and family know where you stand on an issue. If they need you to solve the problem, they will tell you, they will ask for your help. Besides, how do you know what kind of help they truly need if you don’t really listen to what they are saying.
Sometimes, all anyone needs is to be heard. If everyone needs to be heard, who is listening? How can any point be made? How can we understand what someone else is going through? If we don’t respectfully listen, can we expect others to respectfully listen to us?
Respect is the key word here. Show each other some respect. It is ok to disagree, but not okay to be rude, thoughtless, or careless. There is a difference between understanding each other and agreeing with each other. Let’s strive for understanding, agreeing we will leave to the Stepford Wives.
I am the mother to 2 amazing teenagers. They have gotten to the point in their lives where rules and people frustrate them, something we can all associate with. They like to talk to me about their frustrations and I am happy to listen. Let me state that again – I AM HAPPY TO LISTEN! I put that in all caps because many parents would love to have their children talk to them. Well here is how I got it started (and it works with spouses, parents, friends, not just children). I acknowledged that sometimes in life circumstances will agitate them and they will need to vent, for these times I will listen and only listen. Other times they will be confused or concerned and need another point of view, this is when I just ask questions. Still other situations will leave them at a loss and this is when I jump in and help them fix it. How do I know which situation? Well, I told my children that each of these will happen many times in their life. I might not know which situation is which, they might not either. If they do, they tell me up front. If they don’t, I listen until they realize they need more from me.
By listening, truly listening, to my teenagers, I learn about their likes and dislikes, about the important people in their lives, about their dreams and goals. We don’t argue, we don’t raise our voices. They have learned that if I am willing and able to listen to them, they can listen to me. And they do!
Next time someone important in your life needs to talk, listen to them, really listen. It is so important.
